To stay or leave
Female, 24, Kathmandu – I am in a big dilemma. I have a boyfriend with whom I have spent almost four years. Currently, there is not much of an enjoyment to be in this relation. We fight a lot and majority of the fight starts from a topic that is supposed to be discussed. I won’t blame him, we both are responsible for it, and this has been going on for about six months now. We fight daily and end up exchanging verbal abuse against each other. We forget to draw a line of respect. I don’t feel like talking anymore since I feel that we will somehow end up fighting but can’t stay without talking. I am tired and frustrated by this, we both are.
I love him sincerely more than anything but at the same time, I don’t want him anymore. I don’t know what I should do. I think of ending this relation then I start getting afraid that I won't be able to live without him or find someone like him. He is the only one who makes me happy.
Sometimes I feel that I am a caged bird with him and my hatred towards him is gradually increasing. Our families know about us and we have been engaged and they will plan our marriage very soon. Sometimes I feel this is the only reason I am staying. I feel very insecure and troubled on how things may go after marriage. I honestly feel that we both will make a terrible couple. We barely talk nicely to each other.
I don’t want to marry him and at the same time I don’t want to leave him. I have no idea and have no one to talk about this. I don’t feel happy with him anymore and at the same time I feel terrible when I don't talk to him for a single day. I am very confused. My hearts request me to stay but my mind tells me to leave.